Lifestyle
Finding Me Again: 4 Ways I Learned to Escape the Beautiful Chaos of Motherhood
Between endless loads of laundry and school pickups, I discovered that self-care isn't selfish—it's survival. Here are the four simple strategies that helped me reclaim precious moments for myself.
By
Femi Niyi
on
Jul 23, 2025
Self-care isn't selfish when you're a mother—it's essential. These small escapes don't take me away from my family; they bring me back to them as a better, more fulfilled version of myself.
The Breaking Point: When I Lost Myself in the Chaos
It happened on a Tuesday morning while I was packing lunches with one hand, braiding my daughter's hair with the other, and mentally rehearsing my grocery list. My five-year-old asked, "Mommy, what's your favorite color?" and I froze. Not because it was a difficult question, but because I couldn't remember the last time I'd thought about what I liked, wanted, or needed.
That moment of silence stretched uncomfortably long as I realized I'd become so consumed with everyone else's needs that I'd forgotten I was still a person beyond "Mom." The woman who once had hobbies, dreams, and yes, even a favorite color, had disappeared somewhere between midnight feedings and soccer practices.
I knew I needed to find her again—not just for my own sanity, but for my family. My children deserved a mother who was present and fulfilled, not just surviving on fumes and good intentions. That's when I started my mission to carve out moments of rejuvenation without guilt or elaborate planning.
My Four Life-Saving Escape Strategies
1. The Sacred Morning Hour
Before anyone else in the house stirred, I began setting my alarm one hour earlier. I know it sounds counterintuitive when you're already sleep-deprived, but that quiet hour became my lifeline. No phones, no demands, just me and a cup of coffee in complete silence.
Sometimes I journaled, sometimes I read, and sometimes I just sat on the back porch watching the sunrise. The key was consistency—this wasn't time I could give away if someone needed something. It was sacred, non-negotiable time that belonged entirely to me. After two weeks, I stopped feeling tired from waking up early because I started going to bed with something to look forward to.
2. The Bathroom Sanctuary
This might sound ridiculous, but I transformed my bathroom into a mini-spa retreat. I invested in a small essential oil diffuser, brought in a basket of my favorite magazines, and declared it a no-knock zone for twenty minutes at a time.
My "bathroom breaks" became opportunities for deep breathing exercises, quick meditation sessions, or simply applying a face mask while reading three pages of an actual book. The kids learned that when the bathroom door was closed and the diffuser was running, Mom was recharging. It's amazing how much peace you can find in the one room in the house with a lock on the door.
3. The Trading Game with Other Moms
I connected with three other mothers in my neighborhood and we created an informal childcare exchange. Every Saturday, one of us takes all the kids for three hours while the others get completely free time. We rotate weekly, so each of us gets one Saturday off per month, plus three Saturdays where we're doing what we already do—watching kids—just with a few extra.
Those three hours became sacred. Sometimes I got a massage, sometimes I wandered Target alone, and sometimes I just sat in a coffee shop reading without interruption. The best part? No guilt, because I knew the other moms were getting their turn too, and my kids were having fun with friends.
4. The Evening Wind-Down Ritual
After dinner and before bedtime chaos, I instituted a thirty-minute "quiet time" for the whole family. Kids could read, color, or play quietly in their rooms, while I did something purely for myself. Some nights it was yoga, others it was calling a friend, and sometimes it was just lying on the couch with a face mask.
The magic happened when I stopped calling it "quiet time for the kids" and started calling it "recharge time for everyone." Even my husband began using this time to pursue his hobbies, and the kids learned to value independent play. It became a family tradition that benefited everyone.
The Beautiful Result: Rediscovering Joy in Motherhood
These four strategies didn't just help me survive motherhood—they helped me thrive in it. When I started taking care of myself, I had more patience for bedtime stories, more energy for dance parties in the kitchen, and more presence for the precious moments that make this chaos worthwhile.
My favorite color, by the way, is still sage green—the same as it was before kids. I just needed to remember that the woman who chose that color is still here, still worthy of care and attention, still deserving of moments that are entirely her own.
Self-care isn't selfish when you're a mother—it's essential. These small escapes don't take me away from my family; they bring me back to them as a better, more fulfilled version of myself.
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